37 Funny Sales Quotes: A Hilarious Take on a Serious Business

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funny sales quotes

If you’re working with people and have a product or a service that you’re profiting from, then you’re in sales. In one way or another, we’re all salespeople. It doesn’t matter if you’re selling an idea, a product, or yourself. We’re all in sales.

And let me tell you — it’s not an easy job. It takes perseverance, tenacity, and skill. Above all, it takes luck. But sometimes, luck just doesn’t swing our way. When that happens, motivating yourself and believing in both yourself and your strategy is a truly hard task. Even smiling is difficult! So here are the best funny sales quotes that will inspire you, put a smile on your face, and maybe even teach you something new.

37 Best Funny Sales Quotes From Those Who Can Sell Snow to Eskimos

Funny Sales Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

#1. “Timid salesmen have skinny kids.” — Zig Ziglar

#2. “Advertising is legalized lying.” ― H.G. Wells

#3. “You can take and nail two sticks together like they’ve never been nailed together before and some fool will buy it.” ― George Carlin

#4. “We’re all somebody’s prospect; we’re all somebody’s customer.” ― Chris Murray

#5. “Customers are like teeth. Ignore them, and they’ll go away.” ― Jerry Flanagan

#6. “Although your customers won’t love you if you give bad service, your competitors will.” ― Kate Zabriskie

#7. “If you are not taking care of your customer, your competitor will.” ― Bob Hooey

#8. “The first part of success is ‘Get-to-it-iveness’; the second part of success is ‘Stick-to-it-iveness.’” — Orison Marden

#9. “On any given Monday, I am one sale closer and one idea away from being a millionaire.” — Larry D. Turner

#10. “There’s no lotion or potion that will make sales faster and easier for you — unless your potion is hard work.” — Jeffery Gitomer

#11. “The buyer is always tuned in to one radio station: WIIFM (What’s In It For Me). The rest is filtered out as noise.” ― Steve Woodruff

#12. “Business opportunities are like buses; there’s always another one coming.” — Richard Branson

#13. “A salesman minus enthusiasm is just another clerk.” — Harry F. Banks

#14. “Customers long to interact with — even relate to — employees who act like there is still a light on inside.” — Chip Bell

#15. “There’s no such thing as ‘hard sell’ and ‘soft sell.’ There’s only ‘smart sell’ and ‘stupid sell.’” — Leo Burnett

Funny Sales Quotes That Will Change Your Perspective on Sales

#16. “There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?” — Woody Allen

#17. “Ninety percent of selling is conviction and 10 percent is persuasion.” ― Shiv Khera

#18. “To build a long-term, successful enterprise, when you don’t close a sale, open a relationship.” ― Patricia Fripp

#19. “Make a customer, not a sale.” ― Katherine Barchetti

#20. “Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, ‘Make me feel important.’ Not only will you succeed in sales, you will succeed in life.” ― Mary Kay Ash

#21. “Sales success comes after you stretch yourself past your limits on a daily basis.” ― Omar Periu

#22. “If you are not moving closer to what you want in sales (or in life), you probably aren’t doing enough asking.” ― Jack Canfield

#23. “Expect the best, prepare for the worst, capitalize on what comes.” ― Zig Ziglar

#24. “Value the relationship more than the quota.” ― Jeff Gitomer

#25. “Keep yourself positive, cheerful, and goal-oriented. Sales success is 80% attitude and only 20% aptitude.” ― Brian Tracy

#26. “Making something out of nothing and selling it is true art.” ― Frank Zappa

#27. “Nobody cares about you, your brand, your product, or your company. You’re irrelevant…until proven otherwise.” ― Steve Woodruff

#28. “Marketing is safe. Sales is risky. UNLESS marketing has done its job. Then sales is safe too.” ― Richie Norton

#29. “In sales, a referral is the key to the door of resistance.” ― Bo Bennett

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#30. “There is no such thing as a no-sale call. A sale is made on every call you make. Either you sell the client some stock, or he sells you a reason he can’t. Either way, a sale is made, the only question is who is gonna close? You or him? Now be relentless; that’s it, I’m done.” ― Jim Young

#31. “See the sales process for what it is ― a big assembly line.” ― Matthew Pollard

#32. “Buying and selling is nothing but an art of creating an illusion. The buyers and sellers always deceive with their requirement; one flaunt how little the product can do for them, the others flaunt how much more.” ― Shahenshah Hafeez Khan

#33. “How to be an effective salesperson? Feed Hansel and Gretel one breadcrumb at a time. Don’t present the witch and the oven in one go.” ― Trevor Carss

#34. “If you build it, no one will care. It turns out marketing and sales exist for a reason.” ― Hunter Post

#35. “If you make what they need and sell it at a price which makes possession a help and not a hardship, then you will do business as long as there is business to do. People buy what helps them just as naturally as they drink water.” ― Henry Ford

#36. “The best trick a salesperson can ever pull is to create an illusion of choice to the customers, but the magic lies in making them choose your choice as theirs.” ― Shahenshah Hafeez Khan

#37. “Humor can give you the edge you are looking for. When you employ humor, you create a friendly, relaxed buying atmosphere.” ― Jeffrey Gitomer

To Conclude

I hope these funny sales quotes make your working day a bit easier. Whenever I’m feeling down or like I’m not doing enough, I like to read these quotes to remind myself of the bigger picture. I know I can’t expect an overnight profit, and it’s amazing that some of these quotes remind me that I have to put in hard work and have a clear goal in order to succeed.