40 Funny Facebook Statuses to Brighten Up Your Friends’ Newsfeed

funny facebook statuses

Whether or not we like to admit it, social media is a big part of our lives. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy opening their newsfeed in the morning and browsing through our friends’ recent posts.

Cute puppies, yummy recipes, videos of babies playing with kittens ― they’re all things that help brighten up our day. And let’s not forget those clever posts your witty friend puts up on a daily basis!

If you’re looking for a Facebook status that’s bound to give your friends a chuckle, check out these amazing funny Facebook status ideas. Pick one, and watch those likes start pouring in!

Top 40 Funny Facebook Status Ideas

Funny Facebook Status Ideas With a Hint of Truth to Them

#1. “When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you’ve done recently.”

#2. “I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet.”

#3. “I just don’t know how to react when someone sends me a selfie. I mean, should I say ‘Wow! You really got yourself from the perfect angle in that restroom!.’”

#4. “That moment when the random person you just met asks for your full name, and you know it’s because they want to stalk you on Facebook.”

#5. “Dear friends, please don’t tag me in a photo that is so prehistoric you have to scan the photo to make it digital. No one here is into studying history, sincerely, everybody born before 2010.”

#6. “Every time I put my phone on silent, it decides to play hide and seek.”

#7. “My wallet is like an onion; when I open it. It makes me cry.”

#8. “Unicorns do exist. They’re just fat and gray, and we call them Rhinos.”

#9. “If swimming is an exercise, then explain whales to me.”

#10. “I can resist anything except temptation.”

Funny Facebook Status Ideas That Will Get You All the Likes

#11. “My mum’s so old-fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying, ‘just to let you know, your Pa is in the hospital LOL.’”

#12. “You put the ‘pro’ in ‘procrastination.’”

#13. “If someone says ‘I love you,’ and you don’t feel the same way, just say ‘I love YouTube’ really fast.”

#14. “You can’t buy happiness. But you can buy chocolate. And that’s kinda the same thing.”

#15. “Press all the ‘Try Me’ buttons on toys and then walk away LIKE A BOSS.”

#16. “Cops came around to my house today, told me that my dog was chasing someone on a bike; I told them to bugger off, my dog does not own a bike!”

#17. “My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I’m not dead.”

#18. “I always give 100% at work: 23% Monday, 19% Tuesday, 32% Wednesday, 23% Thursday. and 4% Friday.”

#19. “For those of you who think I don’t have friends, you are wrong. I have all 10 seasons on DVD.”

#20. “Welcome to the real internet, where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are the FBI.”

Funny Facebook Status Ideas That Will Leave Everyone in Stitches

#21. “Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except for you.”

#22. “Yesterday I did nothing, and today, I’m finishing what I did yesterday.”

#23. “I hate weddings. Old people would poke me, saying, ‘You’re next.’ They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, ‘You’re next.’”

#24. “Facebook is like jail — you sit around and waste time; you write on walls, and you get poked by people you don’t know.”

#25. ”The greatest thing about Facebook is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.”

#26. “You’d be surprised at how quick Lowe’s employees help you after ignoring you for 20 minutes when you try to start a chainsaw.”

Funny Facebook Status Ideas About Everyday Things

#27. “The loudest sound on Earth is my child asking an inappropriate question about another customer at the grocery store.”

#28. “I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards or the cats who refuse to sign.”

#29. “I was at the grocery store in the flower department, and this guy picking out his own flowers said to me, ‘It’s so crazy that you have to spend so much money on something that’s just gonna die’ to which I replied, ‘And you gotta buy them flowers.’”

#30. “If you put away the clean laundry on the same day that you wash it, I feel like that’s what you should lead with on your resume.”

#31. “I’m never more optimistic than when I put fast food restaurant sauce packets in the fridge and think I’m going to use them at some point.”

#32. “Fun fact: if you say ‘I did the math,’ nobody argues with you because they don’t want to have to redo the math themselves.”

#33. “Cool Fact: Fred Flintstone was the first-ever man to become a vitamin.”

#34. “Dieting would be a lot easier if refrigerators startled you with front-facing cameras from time to time.”

#35. “Don’t advertise ‘All You Can Eat’ then drag me out kicking and screaming with fists full of shrimp.”

#36. “According to Pinterest, I’m severely under-utilizing mason jars.”

#37. “My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1985.”

#38. “I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.”

#39. “No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn’t want to talk about it.”

#40. “Pro tip: Never explain to your wife that it’s the washer and dryer that actually do the laundry.”

Conclusion

With all the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives, it’s good to get away from everything, at least for a moment. That’s why social media is an excellent way to forget about our problems and get our daily dose of laughter.

Choose any of these funny Facebook status ideas and contribute to the fun!